


Between Brothers

by Daylight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5x13, Angst, Episode Tag, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-20
Updated: 2010-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-12 01:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/119089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daylight/pseuds/Daylight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The face grinning down at him was not one Castiel had expected to see. It was also not one he had ever wanted to see again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Brothers

For a moment, Castiel couldn't remember if he was an angel pretending to be a man or a man pretending to be an angel.

All he knew, all he felt was pain. It radiated from every single cell of his body. A body that, as consciousness grew, he had to remind himself was not his. Groggily, he fought to distinguish the part of him that was angel, his grace, from the flesh and bones he had borrowed. It was something that was becoming troublingly more difficult the longer he wore this human vessel.

In his efforts, he touched on the other soul that still resided within and felt a wave of sorrow when he realized Jimmy too was feeling the pain. As gently as he could, he pushed Jimmy deeper into the numbing void of unconsciousness while guilt determinately stung at him. Unfortunately, this left him alone to deal with the pain and the feeling was overwhelming. The task of differentiating himself became impossible. It didn't help that the pain was not just coming from his human body. It was coming from his true self as well. He could feel each place where his voyages through time had torn his body and the matching tears that criss-crossed his grace, a grace that seemed much too weak and dim.

Dark sleep was calling to him, but he fought against it. He had vague recollections of arriving in Sam and Dean's motel room and the look of concern on their faces as they caught his failing body, but he couldn't be sure how much time had passed since then. He needed to make sure he was still safe and so were they. So pulling together what little energy he could find, Castiel did battle against the pain until he reached a state of true consciousness. Only then did he become aware of where he was.

He was on a bed, the faint smell of detergent and old fabric coming from the soft pillow beneath his head. He was lying on his side under a rough blanket and had somehow been divested of his shoes and some of his outer layers of clothes. There was also the faint sound of snoring echoing through the room.

There didn't seem to be any danger, but for some reason he couldn't reach out with his true angelic senses to confirm. He couldn't even find the impetus to open his eyes. Weariness continued to pull at him. It would be so easy to just slip back into unconsciousness. After a minute where nothing changed except his increased feeling of exhaustion, Castiel decided to give in and fall back into the darkness.

That was when he felt the mattress beneath him shift as someone sat down.

With an effort that seemed ridiculously large in proportion to what he was attempting to do, Castiel opened his eyelids and gazed up at the person sitting beside him. The face grinning down at him was not one he had expected to see. It was also not one he had ever wanted to see again.

"Hey, Castiel. Boy, do you look like crap."

"Gabriel?" Castiel croaked gazing in confusion at the Trickster. But before he could ask why the former archangel was there, the burning pain inside him suddenly bubbled upward in an overwhelming feeling of nausea and he found himself convulsing as he coughed warm, dark liquid onto the bed. The convulsions seemed to last an eternity, but when Castiel came back to himself he could feel strong hands on his back and shoulder holding him steady. He opened his eyes once more narrowing them wearily at his brother.

Gabriel was busy grimacing at the mess Castiel had made. "All these centuries and I still can't stand the sight of human blood." The archangel waved his hand and the blood vanished.

"How… how did you find me?" Castiel whispered hoarsely.

"You, little brother, are getting careless," Gabriel admonished. "What? You think you can just blaze through time like that and have no one notice?"

Castiel's eyes widened as he realized the Trickster was speaking the truth. He had been careless. Groggy and disoriented from his first journey through time, he'd panicked when he'd woken up and found himself alone in a strange motel room. He'd been unable to find Sam and Dean, but he found their parents instead, now perfectly safe but with the fingerprints of Michael etched into their minds. Worried about what that could mean for the brothers, he'd raced back to their time heedlessly without using any wards or any of the other countless tricks he'd learned to stop other angels from tracking him. If Gabriel had managed to find him, it was only a matter of time before…

"Don't worry about it," said Gabriel obviously sensing his concerns. "I took care of it. A little twist here. A little flick of the wrist there. No other angel is going to have any hope of tracking you down."

Castiel held no belief that things could be so easily fixed without any consequences. "Why?"

Gabriel stood up gesturing angrily. "What? No 'thank you'? No 'Hey, bro. How's it going.'?"

"Last time we met, you threw me into a pocket dimension full of goblins."

Rolling his eyes, the archangel said, "So, it's not like they could've have killed you or anything. I just needed you out of the way so I could try to knock some sense into these two stubborn bozos." He motioned to the other side of the room.

Carefully turning over his still aching body, Castiel glanced behind him. Sam and Dean were on the other bed, both asleep. The farthest from him, Sam, was sprawled out under the covers, long limbs dangling off the edge. On the other side, Dean slept propped up against the wall, still in his clothes having apparently fallen asleep doing research, the laptop sitting precariously on his legs.

Castiel turned back to his brother glaring at him with all the ferocity of his well worn grace. "You will not harm them."

"You're hardly in any condition to be uttering threats, bro. Besides…" Gabriel sat back down at his feet. "I'm not here for them. I'm here for you."

"Why? What do you want with me?" asked Castiel gazing at him warily.

"What do I want?" Gabriel snorted. "Will you just look at yourself? Seriously, look at what those humans have done to you!"

"The Winchesters have done nothing to me."

"You're dying, Castiel," the archangel pronounced his voice dark.

The younger angel swallowed, an all too human gesture. "I'm fine."

"Come on. You knew that travelling through time without the aid of heaven was a suicide mission from the get go."

As much as Castiel wanted to deny it, Gabriel was again telling the truth. It was a truth Castiel had been trying to ignore since he had woken up. He'd ignored the fading beat of his heart and the dimming light of his grace even though he knew both were failing him. What he'd done had pushed his powers way beyond their limits. He'd used up all of his energy until he was using the energy that kept his very being together. Both his vessel and his grace had been left bare to be damaged by the winds of time and now there was no power left with which to fix them.

He was going to die, again.

And Gabriel was pissed off. He glared down at Castiel. "How could you let them use you like that?"

"They did not use me. I aided them willingly," Castiel protested and tried to sit up tired of having his brother staring down at him. However, it proved more difficult than he had anticipated. There didn't appear to be any energy left to even power the muscles in his limbs.

After watching him struggle for a moment, Gabriel gave a sigh of exasperation and reached over pulling Castiel up until he was propped up against the head of the bed. "What you've been doing is being an idiot."

Castiel wished to object to Gabriel's insult but the change in position had dislodged something in his chest and he found himself coughing again instead. A fine spray of blood coated his hand and he leaned back against the wall his chest feeling heavy.

Gabriel shook his head. "What is it about those two boneheads that makes you want dive off a cliff every time they say jump?"

"They're special," Castiel whispered tiredly.

"They're special," Gabriel mocked rolling his eyes again. "Of course, they're special. They're the vessels of Michael and Lucifer."

"That's not what I meant."

"Right. So they've just got this special something that makes you willing to sacrifice everything."

Castiel's jaw grew tight. "It isn't just for them. It's for all the other humans too, the countless ones who would be destroyed if Lucifer and Michael were allowed to do battle."

Turning away, Gabriel waved dismissively with his hand. "Oh, please. You're doing it for Sam and Dean and you know it. You can't resist their little puppy dog eyes every time they ask you for help." He looked back at Castiel head tilted to the side and eyebrows raised. "You know they take you for granted."

"They are my friends," Castiel insisted.

"You're just a tool to them, another weapon in their arsenal. You think if you were truly their friend they'd let you kill yourself like this and leave you to die alone while they slept."

Castiel looked away his eyes falling on the sleeping brothers. "They didn't know."

"Oh, ignorance. That's a great excuse."

"You don't know them," Castiel said his voice almost a growl.

"Don't know them?" Crossing his arms across his chest, Gabriel snorted. "I've been watching them for years. They're a pair of deluded, self-sacrificing, arrogant dicks."

Castiel simply shook his head.

"They actual think they can resist destiny by just saying no. Meanwhile, the rest of us have to hang around waiting for the inevitable and I, for one, am tired of seeing this thing drawn out."

"You shouldn't be so eager to see the end of the world."

Leaning forward, Gabriel gazed pointedly at him. "You know if Mikey wins we might actually get that paradise on Earth Raphael's always been so crazy about. The humans would certainly be happy then. The surviving ones that is."

"And whose paradise would that be?" Castiel asked eyebrows raised. "Michael's? Raphael's? Zachariah's? Would it be one of the many versions of utopia that humans dream of or would it simply be a world where the angels dominate and have complete control?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Hey. At least, it would be better than hell."

"Some would argue that point."

"Damn, those boys have seriously messed with you," the Trickster exclaimed letting out a whistle. "And I don't mean the whole getting you killed, twice. Maybe it's time I taught them another lesson…" His eyes drifted off in thought as a smirk slid across his face.

Jaw clenched, Castiel glared at him again.

Catching the look, Gabriel sighed. "Fine. I'll leave them alone. But you know our brothers are seriously pissed off right now. Even if you did survive and the world didn't end, it's not like they'd just forgive and forget. There's no going home again."

"They are not my brothers. The host of heaven forgot what it meant to be brothers long ago." Castiel gazed over at the Winchesters. He suddenly felt a strange pang as he realized when he died, he would never see them again. He took a deep breath. "Only they truly know. It was they who reminded me. My so called brothers could care less whether I or any of their other siblings lived or died."

"I care," Gabriel insisted vehemently.

"You left." Shaking his head, Castiel looked at the archangel with anger and disappointment. "I used to look up to you. Of all the archangels, you were the only one who saw the angels below you as more than just soldiers in a war, who saw the humans as more than just animals. Then you disappeared without warning and I find you down here playing games." Castiel was breathing heavily and his voice had grown weak reduced to a whisper. "When you care about your family, you help them. You do not abandon them, no matter what they've done. That is something else Dean and Sam taught me."

As Castiel spoke, Gabriel seemed to crumple inward until he was forced to look away. There was a heavy pause as Castiel lay watching Gabriel who in turn stared unseeing at the motel's orange wallpaper. Finally without turning back towards his brother, the archangel declared in a hollow whisper, "Michael killed Anna."

Eyes closing, Castiel bowed his head.

Whether out of habit or actually hoping for an answer, Gabriel cast his eyes upward. "How many more of our family are going to burn before this is over?"

Castiel felt an urge to reach out with his hand and offer words of comfort, but his arm refused to obey his commands. His lungs, though working twice as hard, didn't seem to be gathering enough air and his fluttering heart was slowing. At the edges of his vision, the world was growing dark.

"Gabriel…" he said struggling to take another shaky breath. "Do you know what happens to angels after they die?"

The archangel turned to him with a humourless smirk. "I was hoping you could tell me. You're the one who's been dead before."

"All I remember is darkness."

"Then maybe that's all there is."

Castiel's eyelids flickered trying to shut forever, but he held on keeping his brother's gaze. "But surely, if our father… gave humans eternal souls and a place in heaven… he must have done the… same for us," he said as his voice faded away.

Gabriel's eyes were sad as he gazed fondly on Castiel. "You may be a naïve idiot, little brother, but sometimes I wish I still had your faith."

The room had gotten so dark Castiel could barely make out Gabriel's features, but he could feel the gentle touch of the archangel's hands as they were placed on each side of his face. And suddenly, there was a light, a brilliant, pure white light that travelled right through him, each particle bringing warmth and peace.

It reminded him of heaven.

Then the light disappeared. Though exhaustion still plagued him, the pain and the damage done to Castiel's body and grace were gone.

And he was alone.

Something tickled his cheek. Castiel reached up to brush it away. When he looked down at his hand, he was surprised to find a tear glistening on his fingertip. He stared at it in confusion.

A sudden crash and a groggy exclamation interrupted Castiel's thoughts. Glancing to his left, he saw Dean sitting up and looking around dazedly, the laptop that had been resting on his lap now on the floor.

"Crap," muttered Dean gazing down at the fallen computer.

"It better not be broken," said Sam sleepily from where he lay not bothering to open his eyes.

"It's fine. It's fine." Dean slipped off the bed to check and as he did so, caught sight of the angel. "Cas? You're awake!"

Eyes now wide open, Sam immediately began clambering out of bed. "Thank God."

Within a second, both brothers were at the angel's side.

"Are you alright?"

"How do you feel?"

Castiel looked from one to the other. "I'm… tired," he admitted truthfully.

"But you're going to be okay?" demanded Dean.

The angel nodded.

Sighing in relief, Dean sat back down on the other bed. "Don't you dare do anything like that ever again."

Castiel's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Travel through time?"

"Well, that too," Sam said smiling. "But I think he meant the part where you collapsed twice and scared us to death because we had no idea whether or not you'd be okay."

"My apologies."

Shaking his head, Dean leaned closer. "At least, warn us better next time. I don't know how it is with angels but for us humans, 'weaken' doesn't usually involve spewing blood and hours spent in a coma. You've got to explain stuff like that to us. You're part of this screwed up team remember."

That was enough to raise a rare smile to Castiel's lips. "I will do my best."

"I just… um… I… ah…" Dean patted Castiel awkwardly on the shoulder.

Sam grinned at his brother and laid a hand on the angel's arm. "What he said."

Still smiling, the angel nodded but his eyes flickered drowsily. Sleep was calling to him again but it was a peaceful weariness he felt instead of the painful one of before. Castiel let his eyes close, the presence of the brothers beside him bringing feelings of comfort and safety, and as his mind drifted into unconsciousness, instead of the expected darkness, all he found was fields of light.


End file.
